A Sol Bridges Account on the highs and lows of Travelling….

Following the media’s ‘exposure’ of the naked traveller, many holidaymakers have begun unpacking a suitcase full of truly disgusting stories.
There have been lists upon lists of delightful tales submitted by the media and here are my top five best of the year that will turn your stomach sooner than a rapid descent from 5000ft.
At number five is those travellers who deem it acceptable to bring totally unpractical snacks onto a plane. Tucking into a banquet that consists of Barbeque Ribs and Fried Chicken is not acceptable flight time nutrition. But the real treat comes as the majority of these morons that eat this ridiculous food never bring a napkin and result in wiping their hands on their seat. On the plus side it provides great entertainment for the sorry soul that gets that seat on the return journey, as they partake in the game, ‘what Chinese delicacy does my hair smell of.’
Coming in at number four, people who decide to dress like they are still on the beach, which includes those who sit scruffily unwashed and smelling of sea water. But there is a speciality of inappropriately dressed traveller whose physical traits resemble that of a lounging walrus and believe a mankini is appropriate attire for in flight comfort. Well, this isn’t ‘Borat goes to Hollywood’, neither is it 45 degrees inside the cabin…. so put some clothes on.
As we come to number three the competition for the number one spot is rife! And it is only because I understand the pressures that mums go through that stops this little gem from climbing to the apex of Mount Filth.
Collecting the bronze medal is those mothers who change their soiled child in the confines of their seat, rather than take them to the bathroom. If you are lucky enough to bear witness to what can only be described as messy viewing, timing is crucial. A particular favourite among the crowds is when you can savour the foul smell of child excrement as a pallet cleanse for your £15 inflight meal, which means you have to drum up even more appetite than you would normally have to for a meal consisting of rubbery eggs and thin boiled ham. Mix that into the pot with the overweight, foul-smelling co-traveller and you have a concoction that would turn even the stars of Jackass sick.
Missing out on the title for; ‘The most disgusting thing to be witnessed during flight time and yes this is a really long title’, goes the randy browsers. Even though many of the airlines ban many X-rated websites form their WII FII connection, many slip through the net. Surprisingly enough though, for those of us who are not socially inept, many travellers find it acceptable to seek out and watch X-rated material – despite the airlines attempts to prevent it. How some people believe that regardless of the social implications and the airlines resistance, watching porn in front of your co-passengers is okay frankly astounds me.
So by now, those of you that have the power of deduction may have figured out what number one is? They are a group of extremists that feature on the very perimeters of their runner up counterparts. Radicals in their field, their single motive is to ‘unload’ their weapon on the world, unveiling its ugly repercussions. That’s right… as inconceivable as this might be there are travellers who have been caught masturbating in flight time. Even when the inflight movie fails to entertain you for those few hours, it takes a special individual to expose himself in his seat and begin ‘indulging in guilty pleasures’.
But it does happen, in May this year a passenger travelling from Washington to Denver was arrested after allegedly masturbating in his seat. It would appear that airport security missed the ‘explosive material’ he had hiding in his crotch….